Healthy Relationships and 同意

Everyone has the right to healthy, consensual sexual and romantic experiences and 的关系.  同意 is not only sexy; it is mandatory.  

同意

Definition: a 'yes' that is 自由 given, when the option of 'no' is both present and viable. 

同意 is not something 你 'get;' it is an on-going conversation with another person (or people) about what 你 like or do not like, what they want or do not want.  同意 is respectfully negotiated prior to and during sexual activity and can be changed or revoked at any time; it is important to check in with 你r partner(s) to ensure everyone is enjoying the activities.  Silence, the lack of an explicit 'no,' or consent to other prior activities does not equal consent.  同意 cannot be negotiated if 'no' is not a viable option, meaning if someone is coerced, manipulated, afraid to say 'no,' or otherwise forced into saying 'yes,' that is not consensual.  

In our society, talking about sexual activity is taboo, which means that for many of us, the thought of talking about sex with a partner(s) seems awkward or we think it might 'ruin the moment.' 如何ever, negotiating consent actually removes awkwardness and leads to better sexual activity because everyone involved can share what they like and do not like and can better enjoy the experience.  

Ready to start the conversation?

When negotiating consent, there is a lot to talk about!  同意 must be informed; vague invitations do not give someone the opportunity to provide an informed 'yes,' so be clear and specific!  什么 activities do 你 want to engage in and how?  什么 activities do 你 not enjoy?  地点和时间?  什么 are 你 comfortable with and what are 你r boundaries?  什么 are 你r needs?  什么 about condoms or dental dams or other forms of birth control and STI prevention?  Sometimes starting the conversation can be difficult--a helpful and fun way to break the ice is using a "Yes, No, Maybe Chart."  It includes information on sexual and romantic activities, provides space to make notes, rate 你r desire to engage (or not engage) in certain activities, discuss 你r boundaries, "turn-ons," and "turn-offs" with a partner or partners.  图表 below was developed in collaboration with the 性别 & Sexuality Resource Center 在UNC. 

Yes, No, Maybe Chart

Healthy Relationships

Healthy 的关系 can look a lot of different ways--from 你 and one partner, to 你 and multiple partners, from romantic 的关系 to sexual ones--ultimately, no one can define what healthy looks and feels like to 你.   Whether 你’re looking for a relationship or are already in one, make sure 你 and 你r partner(s) agree on what makes a relationship healthy. It’s not always easy, but everyone deserves a healthy relationship!   

In healthy 的关系, all parties should have equal say and should never be afraid to express how they feel. Open communication, consent, trust are important characteristics of healthy 的关系. 

Every relationship has arguments and disagreements sometimes — this is normal. 如何 你 choose to deal with 你r disagreements is what really counts. Both people should work to communicate effectively.

看看 loveisrespect.org to learn more about healthy and unhealthy 的关系, healthy ways to resolve arguments, healthy communication!